This is one of my rare personal posts. I just had the need to blurt things out.
I feel very wasted recently. Because I am insane, I started connecting my everyday mishaps to the misery of Arthur Dimmesdale. I feel like I am deteriorating physically, which, Roger Chillingworth said, is caused by a sickness or a burden "inside". Perhaps, I am already mentally ill. And yes, I want to become yet again a masochist, but I lack resources. :(
I am incessantly hating myself for being so irresponsible. I have missed a lot of opportunities [e.g. application deadlines for universities] due to it.
I wish I was not easily intimidated. I had lots of ideas which I think would be helpful, but I wish was I was courageous enough to stand up for what I think. I already had this perception that they would not consider any of my suggestions, and that perception evidently prevented me from saying a thing. [I wish you, reader, would have an idea of what I am talking about here.]
No matter how hard I try to maintain a positive outlook in life, I am always defeated by pressure, stress, and never-ending schoolwork.